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Hearing the words chi-chi man or batty man in Jamaican reggae or hip hop songs, or hearing people use the word gay as an insult gay black sodomie gay black lyon or put-down, made me shy away from my sexuality even further. This affected my ability to make meaningful friendships and find my niche within the gay community. The more I rejected my true self, the more I became an outsider. I remember my parents once saying that they liked gay, white men, (having seen and embraced these token comedic characters on tv) but felt sick at the idea of a gay, black man. In attempt to fit in with my classmates, I would openly sing along with these songs and call things/people gay in a derogatory manner.
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